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Telltale signs that you’re a mom

Posted September 12, 2015 by Bethanie Lunn


  •  A 10 minute bath or shower is a distant memory but if you do get one, you feel like you’ve had a mini spa break.
  • You will find a way, any way, to justify having a glass (or two), of wine every.single.night. ‘It’s my treat, I deserve it’, you’ll think as you hug the glass tightly.
  • A mini break with your husband in a luxury hotel sounds highly appealing.  But not to have sex – to sleep uninterrupted.
  • You think baby wipes are the worlds greatest invention.  You often clean the entire house with them too.


  • When you wear full makeup and something half decent (without stains, vomit or raisins stuck to it), you feel like you deserve a medal or at least a round of applause…except no one is there to appreciate your massive achievement in actually getting dressed.
  • You realise how having two hands is excessive since you’re now a master at using just the one.  Washing, drinking, eating, cooking, everything can all be done one-handed.
  • You now have an audience when you’re on the loo.  Forget privacy, forget pride – your little spectators are going to be just that for a while yet, and yes – the questions about what you’re doing and begging to sit on your knee mid-poo are easier than the tantrums that occur if you refuse.  Trust me.


  • You’ll never look at a cow in the same way.  You’ll probably give them a knowing wink.
  • When (childless) people moan about being tired or overworked – you scoff, but you really want to punch them in the face.
  • Your tummy resembles a dogs ear.


  • You soon realise your child is psychic.  Their sixth sense to wake up and cry just at the moment you are about to relax, unwind, finally sit down, wash your hair, is scarily accute.
  • You have forgotten what your partners real name is because it is now ‘Daddy’ and you often refer to yourself in third person, ‘Mummy is just going to the kitchen’.
  • You have a new found tolerance of noise.  You just don’t ‘hear’ crying, screaming, over enthusiastic toys and super-weird-must’ve-been-produced-by-executives-when-high-on-dope kids programmes.
  • You know all the cartoon characters names and super powers.  In fact, you could write the show next season.
  • You start to appreciate the little things more – like clean hair, 5 hours interrupted sleep and finishing a hot drink from start to finish without being climbed on.
  • You’re more resilient than you’ve ever been.  Mentally – you feel like you can now do anything and physically, a child’s foot in your face when he’s sharing your bed, having your toddler literally climb up you like a tree and being jumped on like a bouncy castle don’t even figure.


  • Instead of running from vomit, poo, snot and piss – you run towards it.  In fact, you’ll often find at least one of the aforementioned liquids encrusted on your clothes days later…while on date night / at the office.
  • Your goals and dreams may have changed, from ‘a house in Malibu’ to ‘just five minutes to myself’.
  • You can’t let an ambulance or fire engine pass without shouting ‘ooh look, nee-nah nee-nah nee-nah’.  Even on your own.
  • You talk through your child to get your partner to do things ‘daddy will take you to the toilet’, ‘daddy will get you a drink in your yellow cup in the middle cupboard in the kitchen’.


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  • You admire old people. They get to just ‘sit’.
  • You’ve developed a nervous twitch. Even if your child isn’t with you, you constantly have a sudden heart-stopping panic that they’ve run off. Looking over your shoulder every 2 minutes.
  • You thought you knew what multi-tasking was before becoming a parent.  Pah!

Tell me about your experiences! x

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